I smile at the clockwork birds
ploughing sand, their black legs whirring,
wound like clocks by the pull of Earth,
a splash of spangled sanderlings.
Ploughing sand, their black legs whirring,
steered here by a cosmic force,
a splash of spangled sanderlings
followed the ancient paths of stars.
Steered here by a cosmic force
from their Arctic breeding turf,
they followed ancient paths of stars
and rushed at sparkles of gushing surf.
From their Arctic breeding turf,
wound like clocks by the pull of Earth,
they rushed at sparkles of gushing surf.
I smile at the clockwork birds.
Kim M. Russell, 5th March 2019
My revised response to dVerse Poets Pub Meeting the Bar: Pantoum
Last week Gina introduced us to the pantoum. I quickly revised and posted a pantoum I wrote last April and then went off-line for several days. Now I’m back and I’ve been reading so many wonderful pantoums, I took Lillian’s as a template and had another go at rewriting my sanderling pantoum.
writing in north norfolk 
Will have to compare and look at Lillian’s but yours is truly beautiful about the sanderlings and the mystery nature evokes.
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Thank you kindly.
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Yes, because the line I love ‘a splash of spangled sanderlings’ can be repeated and I think the mystery of the cosmic forces or Arctic migrations stands out more.
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Thank you, that’s reassured me.
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Good and hope all going well for your grandchild too. I miss mine being here in Spain but would return quickly in an emergency. And back for Easter. Take care.
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Thank you.
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Yes, the revision has much better flow to it. Such a beautiful poem, Kim. ❤
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Thank you. Jade. I’m still catching up!
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i put them side by side and read back and forth, this one has better flow without losing its impact. i like rhyming, just my style and poems with rhymes flow better for me. nice Kim! and I see you have worked hard on this, thank you
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Thank you so much, Gina. I’m still catching up. I have to go to London on Friday and will miss some writing time over the weekend too. I hope to be back to normal next week and to have written at least one more pantoum.
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hope you have a safe and fruitful trip, hug the little man if you see him, Nana cuddles are the best medicine. the pantoum is addictive! happy poeming Kim!
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I thought this splendid. The sounds created an image as well as the words.
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This is a wonderful pantoun… there is such magic in those small birds and the travels they make, I marvel at their little legs and how the go by the stars
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Thank you so much, Bjorn!
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You’ve described their motions perfectly…and they do seem to be so attuned to the movements of the skies. I’m smiling too! (K)
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Enjoyed both Kim, choosing berween them is probably best left to you. The each work for me?
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Thank you, Rob. I think the revised one is truer to form.
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I remember this one, yes, good to read it again.
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Thank you!
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