Open to Dawn

adorned with a star
hanging on broken hinges
paint flakes from the gate
open to a muddy field
and a sky full of dawn light

© Kim M. Russell, 2016

open-gate-at-sunrise

Image by David Russell

My response to Carpe Diem Tanka Splendor #16 Teika’s Sixth Tanka Writing Technique “visual description” (prompt: waterfall)

Today Chèvrefeuille has brought us the sixth Tanka Writing Technique, visual description, and the prompt is ‘waterfall’. He describes this technique as a rather bland style emphasizing visual description and imagery and often containing no subjective or emotive statements. Some of the descendants of Teika, such as his son Tameie, used this style or technique to counteract the strong subjective vein of the “Fujiwara style”. In the Teika Jittei, there are 12 examples of this style, among which is the following poem by Minamoto Tsunenobu (1016-1097) written on the subject of “young rice shoots” as published in Shikokinshū, #3:225:

sanae toru / yamado no kakehi / morinikeri / hiku shimenawa ne / tsuyu zo koboruru

the water pipe
leading into mountain fields
must be leaking
moisture drips down sacred ropes
around the beds of rice

I have to say, this technique reminds me of William Carlos Williams, particularly’ The Red Wheelbarrow’, although there is some additional meaning in the first two lines of his poem:

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

 

 

 

 

10 thoughts on “Open to Dawn”

  1. Kim! I love this! I have to check out this tanka site. Marvelous what is being done here. My tanka (which I love the form….) is stuck in Saigyo’s period. LOL! Not bad, but there is so much more to do with tanka. I will try to join this site. I have so much to learn here…and it is invigorating!!! Tanka Rules!

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  2. This ‘water pipe’ tanka also reminds me of one (or two) that Saigyo wrote….almost the same….leaking water pipes in the mountains….but his was leaking because of frost. Something like that. But great poetry I am finding as a look around. Not too many people are writing tanka generally….(except in Japan!) so this site is just plain wonderful….all the different techniques.

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    1. There are ‘regulars’ on Carpe Diem but also a lot of visitors. Kristjaan is Dutch and seems to know all about Japanese poetry .As with most sites, there’s a mixture of styles withing the haiku and tanka forms. There are mini competitions and the chance to have your writing published as an e-book. Freya Pickard does something similar over on purehaiku – she’s very good too.

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