The coastline has a rugged spine of cliff,
its rocky ribs rising with every breath
of wind and wave that shifts the distant skiff;
its feet stand firm and solid in the depth
of salty water tugging at its bones
to try and drag it to a salty death.
The tides have loosened roots and bits of stones
like rotten teeth; they tumble to the beach
with earth and marram, gravel, groans and moans.
At high tide, sandy walks are out of reach,
the swell has all but washed away the scree
and crashing rollers drown out any speech.
A muted pearly light over the sea
becomes a fog that creeps towards the shore
consuming shape and colour in its way.
It sips the salt-stained lighthouse like a straw,
extinguishes the luminescent warning
and, devouring the landscape with a roar,
draws curtains on the world until the morning.
Kim M. Russell, 25th October 2018
My response to dVerse Poets Pub Meeting the Bar: Repetition
Jilly is behind the bar tonight, serving up repetition, which she reminds us is all around us; in music, advertising, our everyday conversation. We use it for emphasis, to drive home our meaning, to get the reader/listener’s attention; we use it to make our songs catchy and singable; we use repetition to make our words more memorable. Poets, like composers and lyricists, make use of repetition; we use repeated words, phrases and even repetition of complete lines.
Jilly takes us through different types of repetition and asks us to make use of it in a poem, selecting one or more of the types she has mentioned, or even trying our hands at repetitive forms like the villanelle. Jane Dougherty recently wrote a poem entitled ‘Shoot’ for the dVerse Open Link Night in a form I hadn’t heard of: the terzanelle, which has a strict rhyme scheme, repetition of sounds, and is written in iambic pentameter. I thought I might give it a go.
This is a lovely poem Kim and a tour de force keeping up the rhymes. A terzanelle is easier though as the second line of each stanza is repeated as the third line of the following stanza so you don’t have to work so hard 🙂
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Oops! So that’s where I went wrong! 🙂
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You just made it harder…and missed the repetition part 🙂
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I thought there was supposed to be some repetition – that’s why I chose the terzanelle. I think I just got carried away! 🙂
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On a wave of enthusiasm 🙂 It doesn’t detract from the poem though, it’s full of lovely sea images.
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I love the way you describe the coastline eroision… the way it’s being eaten away…
“marram, gravel, groans and moans….”
Until then in the end the lighthouse stands a sentinel
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Thank you, Bjorn. I got a bit carried away and lost the repeating lines of the terzanelle – it isn’t one but the sounds still repeat! 🙂
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You made me pine for the ocean, to stand in the mist and fog, hearing the gulls laugh and the crows caw. You had me at /it sips the salt-stained lighthouse like a straw/. Though the repetition was minimal, the power of your prose swept me away, hearing a whales song faintly on the wind.
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Thank you, Glenn.
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This is beautiful! I especially enjoy the repetitive sounds in “It sips the salt-stained lighthouse like a straw”
Thank you for sharing this lovely poem.
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Thank you, Jill!
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It’s a lovely poem – I like a form poem that flows so well that you don’t notice the underlying form, and this works for that brilliantly. It’s one of my favourites of yours.
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Thank you so much, Sarah! It didn’t quite work out but it’s a form I will go back to.
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I liked the “morning” and “warning” rhymes at the end.
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This is a lovely visit to the sea. I have to get on a plane to see an ocean. 🙂
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Thanks Linda! 🙂
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😊
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Just lovely Kim. It felt broody and mysterious 🙂
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Thanks Christine! 🙂
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Reminds me of the Jersey shores…lovely poem
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Thanks Dorianna!
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This is a beautifully written poem of the coastline and its tides against the lighthouse and landscape. The roar in the last 4 lines were keenly felt, like an artist drawing on a canvas. The form looks challenging and kudos to you for writing in this form.
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Thank you, Grace. I think I’ll try to improve on it and rewrite it into a proper terzanelle for Open Link Night next week.
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I was so entranced with the seaside setting you created that I forgot about repetition! Beautifully done!
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Thank you, Frank!
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This is well done, Kim. The repetition is not immediately apparent and very effective.
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Thanks V.J. I think this is one I need to revise as I didn’t quite manage a terzanelle.
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I didn’t notice, Kim. Need practice myself.
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I echo the previous comments. You did this seamlessly.
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Thanks Charley.
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You are welcome!
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A beautiful poem, so well captured I could see and feel the scenes as I read. Nice job Kim.
Pat
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Thank you, Pat!
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The scheme of the poem becomes translucent among all these lovely soundings: ‘sips the salt stained…’ ‘gravel, groans and moans’ ‘shifts the distant skiff.’
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Thank you, Peter.
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Kim, you did an amazing job on with this form. I was mesmerised by the scene from the start. You personified just about every aspect of the the coast. I was caught by ‘moving ribs’ , ‘stones like rotten teeth’…..and the whole pic disappearing up a straw! Perfect!
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Thank you so much, Viv! I got so carried away that I messed up the terzanelle – I was supposed to repeat a line from each stanza!
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i so enjoyed the use of human anatomy to describe, cliffs, sea and the rocks and surrounding views, you paired them perfectly, then you added the sounds, the groans, all so vivid yet haunting in a way, as nature tries so hard to resists its own forces
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Thank you, Gina. I’m in the process of rewriting it as a true terzanelle – I got rather carried away and forgot to repeat lines!
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i read that in the comments but felt this particular poem flowed so much better than a villanelle, it wasn’t forced or strained at all. look forward to the revised version as your heart seems intent on it. lovely weekend to you Kim!
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And you, Gina!
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I loved your description of the shore and the sea.
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Thank you, Annell!
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Awesomely beautiful poem
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A rugged coastal poem…love the image you chose! I also like how you wrote the fog “draws curtains on the world until the morning.”
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Thank you, Lynn.
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A wonderful poem describing the effects the tide eating away at the shore in the storms and fog.
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Thank you, Dwight!
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