In thick dark clusters, swallows skim the lake,
reflections on the water shimmer clear.
It seems as if the day will never break;
in thick dark clusters, swallows skim the lake.
I am returning too, to past mistakes
I left behind with sadness, guilt and fear.
In thick dark clusters swallows skim the lake;
reflections on the water shimmer clear.
Kim M. Russell, 27th February 2020
My response to dVerse Poets Pub Meeting the Bar: Almost a Triolet
Frank is our host this week and the challenge is to write a triolet or a poem that closely resembles a triolet. He has given us the basics:
- It has 8 lines.
- The rhyme scheme is abaaabab.
- The meter is iambic tetrameter.
- The first, fourth and seventh lines repeat.
- The second and eighth lines repeat.
writing in north norfolk 
There is such a story you leave open in those past mistakes… it is interesting how the meaning of the repeated lines change its meaning in the last repetition due to that.
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I’m glad you noticed that, Bjorn!
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I like how you tied the description of the swallows on the lake unexpectedly with past mistakes, sadness, guilt and fear.
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Thank you, Frank!
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You used pentameter, which I like, and you got in the change of meaning which is also part of the point of a triolet. I do enjoy reading a well-constructed poem, and it has swallows too 🙂
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Thank you, Jane. :)I I like working with pentameter and I’m a sucker for swallows too.
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Pentameter is my favourite too. You don’t get the dum di dum di dum di dum rhythm with it. More like proper phrases.
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Beautifully done. The idea of returning to past mistakes….like the ripples in the shimmering waters. This is beautiful imagery likened to one’s emotions. You’ve mastered the form, Kim!
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Thank you, Lill!
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Returning and reflections morph meanings so well in your lyrical poem. The photo is great also.
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Thank you, Jade.
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You’re welcome.
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“I am returning too, to past mistakes
I left behind with sadness, guilt and fear.”
That spoke to me.
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That makes me happy.
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An excellent triolet. I liked the slant rhymes, and the energy and flow of the piece. Your first line, used in thrice refrain, was my favorite.
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Thank you, Glenn.
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This is gorgeous. I was grabbed by “In thick dark clusters” in the way that it speaks to both the swallows and to past mistakes. And the clarity of the reflections of each.
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Thank you kindly. Lori.
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The returning to past mistakes made me think of reflection in its contemplative sense, which in turn reflected the reflections of the swallows in the lake. Much more than just a few repeated lines, Kim.
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Thank you so much, Sarah.
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Might know you could make some sense of this tortuous (for me) poetic form!
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🙂
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I like how we can visit the past mistakes, but the reflection of forgiveness shimmers clear.
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Thank you, Mary.
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Beautifully done, I like the gentle reflections in the words.
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Thank you, Truedessa.
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Ah, the clarity of reflection, especially as time has passed, I love that ending in particular.
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Thank you, Paul.
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Most welcome Kim.
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Beautiful Kim!
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Thank you, Linda!
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That is a beautiful poem. I can see the shadows pass over the water as a group of birds fly over. So peaceful.
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I’m so pleased you like it!
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Very nicely done!
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Thank you, Dwight!
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Lovely, the emotions tied to looking back is poignant
Happy Sunday
Much❤love
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Thank you, Gillena. ❤
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Great metaphor for our past errors, and enjoyed the repetition.
keyudos
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Thank you, Anthony!
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Well, it may be about swallows skimming the lake, but this baby soars, eagle-ish. I’m rapt.
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Thank you kindly, Ron!
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Gorgeous! 💝 I love the quiet introspective quality of this poem especially; “in thick dark clusters, swallows skim the lake. I am returning too, to past mistakes.”
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Thank you so much, Sanaa! 😍
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You’re most welcome 🤗🤗
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This is beautiful! It has an elegiac feel, the return of the birds doubling in the water, reflections and memories in the speaker.
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Thank you so much, Wyndolynne.
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An introspective poem. I love how the scene provides the background for your thoughts.❤️
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Thanks Viv. 💖
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The heart-searching, returning to past mistakes, sadness, guilt and fear helps inform our writing. Look how beautiful and deliberate your poem is!
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Thank you, Khaya!
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This was an amazing triolet … a poetic form that totally “flamboozled” me, yet you grasped so gracefully!
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Many thanks, Bev! 😊
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Reflections are great storytellers, when we care to look.
I really love these lines, “I am returning too, to past mistakes / I left behind with sadness, guilt and fear.” Lately, I find myself looking back a lot (not sure why). Perhaps, I’m searching for things I left behind.
I suspect your poem will stay with me for a while.
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Thank you, Magaly. That’s a lovely thought, my poem staying with you.
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Absolutely gorgeous! Such an effective form, the triolet … and I LOVE the subtle switch in meaning of the final ‘clear’, so that it can actually be read either way (or both).
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Thank you, Rosemary, especially for spotting the subtle switch.
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It is a delight to come across beautiful poetry so well written, I enjoyed it very much.
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Thank you so much for your kind comment, Robin.
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I like the way you associated darkness with swallows and mistakes…
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Thanks Rajani!
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Can’t wait to read your response to this month’s VV prompt!
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I might not get time to do it, Rajani, as I’m going to stay with my daughter and grandson – it’s his second birthday on Friday.
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An interesting little piece and I like the concept. Watching swallows skim the water as they gather the insects along the way. I hope your mistakes were not as great as mine. Cheers!
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Gathered like swallows, they seem to amount to a lot, Joel. I have to take them one at a time.
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…and do the mistakes shimmer clear as well- now that time has passed? I love the swallows skimming above the surface
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Thank you, Margaret! Some of the mistakes shimmer clear, but others remain in the depths.
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