Hoverflies hum a monotone refrain
in the aspen grove that hisses in the wind.
Buzzards tumble, roll and spin again,
their whirring wing beats chagrined.
The tap-tap-tap of tree creepers
and ticks in the tree trunks’ gnarly
bark give a dumped lover the jitters,
as goodbye hiccups and rolls into infinity
like a plaintive summons from divinity.
Kim M. Russell, 30th May 2024

Image: Unsplash+ in collaboration with Zetong Li
It’s Thursday, Meeting the Bar with Björn at the dVerse Poets Pub, and we are returning to onomatopoeia, a word formed ‘from a sound associated with what is named (e.g. cuckoo, sizzle)’.
Björn reminds us that the dictionary is filled with words created from how we mimic a sound, and there are actually specific word lists for these, sometimes including words that are not even in the formal dictionaries (yet) as they may be part of slang, or are borrowed from other languages. He says that cartoons often use strong visual and onomatopoeic pictures and invent their own words, and that tying together the sound of the poem as it is being read strengthens its meaning, or maybe adds another layer of irony that is only understood if it is read aloud. He asks us to consider Robert Frost’s poem ‘Out, Out — ‘.
Today we are using onomatopoeia in our poems, to strengthen the imagery through sound.
Those sounds of good-byes had a wonderful backdrop in the woodsong… maybe it helps the dumped lover to manage.
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Thank you, Björn. I think it might compound the sadness.
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“Buzzards tumble, roll and spin again, their whirring wing beats chagrined,” .. this is so powerful! Gorgeous work done, Kim! 😍😍
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Thank you very much, Sanaa!
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how subtly you inserted the sadness of that lover like a tick in the trunk
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Thank you so much. Laura!
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This is a lovely, ‘knotty’ verse…the title is so good it sets the refrain. Very poetically strong sounding words that help them hit. Really good poem.
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Thank you so much, Ain.
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Beautiful writing as always, Kim. That dumped lover must be aching from all that sound.
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Thank you, Nolcha.
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Great word choices in the goodbye, Kim. So many sounds that get under our skin.
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Thank you, Lisa! As I commented to Grace, when you’re low, sounds become more intense.
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You’re very welcome ❤
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A great “sounding ” poem, Kim. Your images and sounds work very well,
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Thank you, Dwight!
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You are very welcome.
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Though it is a sad goodbye, the back drop of the nature sounds are wonderful. Love
this part: The tap-tap-tap of tree creepers
and ticks in the tree trunks’ gnarly
bark give a dumped lover the jitters,
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Thank you, Grace. When you’re feeling low, sounds become more intense. I think.
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So lovely the sounds, in spite of their sad and plaintive quality.
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Thanks Dora!
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I love the sound and rhythm of the opening couplet, and you end on such a magnificent image!
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Thank you, Jane!
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This caught my ear from the outset with the monotone hum of hoverflies.
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Thank you!
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A gem of a poem Kim – the backdrop of sounds to a dumped lover’s unhappiness – powerful…
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Thank you, Andrew!
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I love the tap tap of treecreepers and natures soundtrack as a backdrop to a lover’s jitters and hiccups of goodbye. Maybe the hope is tears will be lost in the wilderness and that healing will begin.
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Than k you, Dianne.
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Wow, what a combination! I hear a subtitle: Mindfulness During the Breakup. You have really captured how time sort of stands still when you get really bad news and everything becomes so loud that you can hardly harness your thoughts.
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Thanks so much, Kim, for such close reading!
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“as goodbye hiccups” two thumbs up!
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Thanks Debi!
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Beautifully done, Kim. I especially liked the last few lines 💚🌻
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Thanks so much, Robbie!
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My pleasure
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The end line sums up all those sounds that came before. Nice.
much♡love
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Thank you, Gillena!
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I love “the aspen grove that hisses in the wind”.
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Thanks Sara!
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The sadness of the jilted lover amplifies all the wonderful sounds of nature! Lovely opening couplet and I love the imagery in the closing lines.
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Thank you, Punam
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You are welcome.
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Love goodbye hiccuping.🤭
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😄
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