At the Station

It came in, a metal monster, heaving
maroon carriages into view, cleaving
the crowd with the clickety-clack
sending vibrations down the track,
wreaths of its coke-fuelled sighs
about to envelop hellos and goodbyes.
A ray of sunlight from the vaulted roof
illuminated a vulnerable figure from above:
wavering at the platform’s edge in vain,
unaware that he was on the train.

Kim M. Russell, 16th April 2024

Image found on Pinterest

On the sixteenth day of Na/GloPoWriMo, at NaPoWriMo the challenge is to write poems in which we closely describe objects or places, and then end with a much more abstract line that doesn’t seemingly have anything to do with that object or place, but which, of course, really does. We’ve been given a James Wright poem to illustrate the ‘surprise ending’.

8 thoughts on “At the Station”

  2. I enjoyed the play of sound and light in your poem, Kim. You were absolutely ‘on track’.
    ‘the crowd with the clickety-clack
    sending vibrations down the track,
    wreaths of its coke-fuelled sighs’

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  3. I enjoyed the location you chose, Kim.
    You really put the sound effect and vibration of this monster to great use. I loved the descriptive of how the metal monster cleaved the crowd “cleaving the crowd” and how that metal monster’s sighs was about to “about to envelop hellos and goodbyes”
    But I’m sad to say that you threw me onto the tracks with the ending of the “vulnerable figure wavering at the platform’s edge in vain” — was it his reflection you let me see?
    (“In vain?”) this was dramatic. Thanks for letting me read.

    I’m so unrefined in poetry. Now you know. 🙇🏽‍♀️

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    1. Thank you, Selma for such close reading. I left the ending ambiguous so that readers could make their own minds up whether it was a reflection, a ghost, or a woman who thought her lover had forgotten her and was about to throw herself in front of the train

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      1. There are a few things I don’t like to imagine. My mind went in the direction of someone jumping (in vain) and I didn’t want to go there

        Well executed Kim. Hope he got to her before anything could happen.

        She was tucked safe in his heart already but she had doubts. Tooooo sad!

        Thanks for the response. I will imagine a good ending. Always. Blessings.

        Liked by 1 person

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