She always knew the little dark-haired,
brown-eyed child was her mother’s secret.
She’d kept the outings in a stranger’s car,
ice creams at the airport and seaside trips
close to her chest, being only five or six,
and loving mystery. When the baby arrived,
nobody said a word. There were whispers
behind closed doors. The outings stopped.
The shouting started. She was often sent to bed.
Later, when her sister told her, it was not news.
The shared secret crumbled her childhood,
the beginning of the end of sisterhood.
Kim M. Russell, 21st January 2020
My response to dVerse Poets Pub Poetics: Shhhhh! Do you Want to Know a Secret?
This week our host for Poetics is Merril, who thinks of winter as being ‘secretive, with seeds and bulbs hidden underground, to somehow, almost magically, emerge once spring comes’, which is a thought I relate to, sitting in my study, watching nature through the window.
Merril also tells us about a book she read about secretaries who became spies in the Cold War. Last year I watched a great BBC series called ‘Mrs Wilson’, a true story, produced by and starring Ruth Wilson, in which she plays her real-life grandmother, a widow who uncovers a mysterious and secret life during that time following the death of her husband.
Today we are writing poems about secrets, or those who are often told secrets, such as spies, psychologists, priests–or friends. We can also respond to one of the Interesting Literature poems to which Merril has shared a link, or we can be tricky and hide secrets within our poems.
writing in north norfolk 
What a secret to live with… and to know before you are being told really destroys the childhood… so many feelings would come up when what you know is finally told. Maybe it had better been known but not told.
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Secrets often cause bad blood, especially in families.
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That is really sad, that it will also be the end of sisterhood. This one begs a prequel, like what happened?
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Ah, but that would be telling!
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Happy families. Huh! So sad when parents visit their ‘sins’ on their children.
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Yep.
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Excellent, Kim.
I saw Mrs. Wilson, too. Ruth Wilson is so good. I recently heard her narrate a story about someone else’s family secret.
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She was Mrs Coulter in the TV version of His Dark Materials.
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Oh–I haven’t seen that.
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Well worth watching.
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Family secrets tear families apart and it is often the teller of the secret that is punished most of all. I like you putting those lovely little faces in the artwork on your poem.
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They do, Jade.
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Some secrets are more on the surface than others realize.
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They are!
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Very sad! Sometimes it is harder to keep the secret than to share it and lose what you think you have…
Well done Kim.
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Thank you, Dwight.
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No more needs to be said. Perfect as it is.
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Thank you, Judy.
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Yes, some secrets are never really secrets at all…..even to a child. Actually especially to a child who is very intuitive. A sad story, but very believable. Enjoyed the details from the child’s perspective.
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Thank you, Mush. It’s based on a true story.
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The photo of complement the tender and fragile bond of sisters which can be destroyed by dark secrets. I wonder, what happened? I hope they reconciled.
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Sorry to disappoint – no reconciliation and no contact for seven years now.
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Oh. i am sorry to hear that.
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sounds like this happened in your family … those secrets are the darkest!
Love the poem to accompany your skeleton … hope you’re healing 🙂
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Thank you, Kate. I thought I was over it, but every now and again…
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it never fully resolves … it shapes but doesn’t define us 🙂
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kaykuala
The shared secret crumbled her childhood,
the beginning of the end of sisterhood.
Not uncommon to see how possessive and determined to exert her authority on a ‘sister’ who is not part of her and and her family.
Hank
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Thanks Hank. It was the other way round, but no less upsetting.
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The happy child who loved mystery then sent to bed without a word, until the words crumbled the sisterhood…Uttering the words now feels so necessary. I sit here in this awed pause. This is true power. Thank you for sharing such deeply personal images.
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Thank you for reading and commenting, Victoria.
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Wow, such an intriguing write Kim. Family secrets can be so destructive.
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Thank you, Linda.
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It hurts my heart to think of the young girl’s pain and confusion. “The shared secret crumbled her childhood,” Sadly many childhoods get crumbled. You shared so much here in a short powerful way.
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Thank you, Ali.
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Secrets coming out rarely pans put well for all .. Like this verse with air of mystery
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I am so sorry for your pain, Kim.
This line “The shouting started. She was often sent to bed.” resonates so much with me.
As if, behind her bedroom door, the child cannot hear the angry yelling voices and will not feel the hurt and pain because she is in a different room. I remember standing in my bedroom, leaning against my bedroom door, facing the door, with my forehead against the door, screaming at my father “YELL BACK AT HER” – but in reality, those screams were only in my head and I was as silent as he was.
Thinking of you, Kim. Wishing you healing and serenity.
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Thank you so much, Lill. Writing about it helps, but only little bit by little bit.
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